Valentine’s Day is coming up, and for many of us, the approaching holiday brings thoughts of bringing sexy back…maybe even for the first time since having a baby!
Maybe your special someone has been dropping hints. Maybe you’re eagerly - or not-so-eagerly - awaiting that six-week checkup to get the green light. Either way, at some point you will begin to feel ready to resume sexual activity after giving birth, and what better time than the holiday of love?
Assuming that you have visited with your doctor or midwife and ensured a good physical recovery, we have a few tips and suggestions for you on making time for making time even though you have a little one (or two, or three) in the home…
The Bed Isn't the Only Place to Get it On
Maybe you're co-sleeping. Maybe you moved the crib or bassinette into your bedroom. Or maybe you just have toddlers and dogs in your bed all the time. You don't have to worry about scarring them for life, or disturbing the baby's sleep by getting frisky at bedtime. You and your spouse or partner make the rules – who says you have to stay in the bedroom? There are lots of possibilities from the shower to the kitchen to the guest room, and who knows, intimacy in a different place than usual might even make it a bit more exciting and interesting.
Your Body Has Gone Through Some Stuff
Your body just did something absolutely amazing. Have you ever really thought about the fact that it grew and expanded to create a whole other human being from scratch? With the massive hormonal fluctuations that have to happen in order to support pregnancy, labor, and lactation, it's no surprise that you may notice some differences now when it comes to sexual intimacy.
For one thing, you may notice a bit more vaginal dryness after having a baby. This is pretty normal, especially if you are breastfeeding/chestfeeding, due to the elevated levels of lactation-inducing hormones. If this is something you need more of in your relationship, don't be afraid to use plenty of a good-quality, natural lubricant!
Next, if you have lactating breasts, you will certainly see some changes here as well. Your breasts may have passed the initial engorgement stage, but they can still potentially be overly full, sensitive, or uncomfortable at times. Lactating parents may enjoy their breasts being overly sensitive, while others feel discomfort and prefer not to be touched. Open communication with your partner, and trying things out to find what feels good, is the key. Many lactating parents also find that they leak or even heavily spray milk during lovemaking – especially during orgasm – so if you have a tendency to leak, you may want to have a towel handy during intimacy.
You Will Learn to Feel at Home in Your Body Again
Weight gain, stretch marks, and exhaustion can make sexy time feel like the last thing on our minds. You may need to communicate to your spouse or partner a need for more foreplay, or more verbal validation before having sex. Your body has changed, but it is still incredible and beautiful and deserving of love, appreciation, and sex.
Sometimes, doing something just for yourself can help you find your confidence, self-esteem, and sexuality again. If you've hired a postpartum doula, you can have them take over all your usual afternoon and evening duties so that you're not exhausted and touched-out by the time the kids go to bed. Perhaps consider an attractive new nursing bra set, or getting your hair done.
Much more than material things, though, is being able to give yourself some grace and appreciate your loved new body – and let your significant other love and enjoy it too. It can take time – and practice – but all of those feelings will come back to you. Happy Valentine’s Day, from your doulas at Nicky Quick Co.!
Did you have to ease back in to postpartum intimacy, or were you excited for the go-ahead?